Life Coaching - 7 Secrets to Handle a Tough Conversation

Life Coaching - 7 Secrets to Handle a Tough Conversation

By Michael Young

Is there someone you need to have a conversation with and have been dreading? Possibly, you have tried and it went badly. Or perhaps you are afraid that talking with them is going to make things worse. Regardless of the reason, you feel the stress. One of the most common barriers to authentic conversation is that people don not know how to begin. A life coach can help you make your relationships flourish even during tough conversations.

You will have to speak truth in a way that is respectful, even if you believe the other person does not deserve it. When you want to talk and the other person does not, it may be tempting to cajole or demand. What do you do if you want to have a difficult conversation about an important workplace matter but the other person does not. If you are more cheerful and optimistic than the person you are talking to or if you are at a different level of responsibility or authority than they are this can make communication more difficult. You should give the other person respect and listen to their side. Try to keep this in mind when your in a difficult conversation, the results I want is to solve whatever problem is between me and the other person.

As a leader it is important to develop people who want to share and help carry out the goals of the organization. However, some people like tough conversations and some people avoid confronting a problem because they are uncomfortable with confrontation. They think it is more work than it is worth, or worry that they will bruise the relationship in the process.

Here are four simple things NOT to do:

• Do not let to much time go by before entering into the conversation.
• Do not have a preconceived idea, try to learn as much as possible about the other's point of view.
• Do not interrupt, but simply acknowledge what they say.
• Do not keep them guessing about you are desire to make things right.

The 7 Secrets to Handle a Tough Conversation

1. People are not able listen and understand what another is saying while planning their answer or trying to interrupt. That conversation that is running in your head prevents you from truly hearing and understanding. You may be surprised by what you learn when you seek first to understand. The 19th century English statesman Sir John Lubbock said, "What we see depends mainly on what we look for."

2. Regardless of the issue you should bring it up in private. When you have disagreements in public those around you feel out-of-place and uncomfortable. A problem is not resolved until you both think it is. After you have had a tough conversation, you both are likely to have questions and unresolved issues. Leave the door open for another conversation. Do not be offended if the person your talking with is not pleasant to deal with at the moment. Stress will make you do things you normally would not. The circumstances are causing the problem, not you.

3. Be sure of what you want to say and do not wait long before bringing it up. Letting the issue fester will not make it go away but will make it worse. Resentment comes when a problem arises and they feel like nothing is being done about it. You can keep small problems from becoming big problems by addressing them quickly.

4. While there may be many issues discuss only one at a time and deal only in the facts, not speculation or opinion. Dealing with too many issues at once is overwhelming and make it difficult to come to a resolution. Speak clearly and simply. People rightly see double-talk as an attempt to cloud the issues and avoid responsibility.

5. Keep your tone and volume at a respectable level and do not be accusatory. Yelling and an accusatory tone can be intimidating. Your reaction will be seen as aggressive and impede progress to a point where you both lose. An aggressive person will cause those more timid to retreat and say nothing or worse, say anything to keep the peace. Two aggressive personalities can intensify it to a level of physical response.

6. Allow the other person to state their feelings or opinion. If you hear something that you do not like, ask them to repeat it and try to understand without getting defensive. Often we assume we know the whole story and strive to be right instead of listening to understand.

7. Look at the issue from the other person's point-of-view. Do not assume you know what the other person is thinking. Do not bring up things the person cannot change or has no control over. Treat the person with respect and try to come to a solution that will satisfy both of you. Take responsibility. Do what it takes to make it right, follow up at your end.

Of course, the best way to handle difficult times with others is to avoid them in the first place. But that is not always possible. Practicing these simple tips, you can get through tough conversations in your relationships. The art of conversation is like any art by making these tips good habits you acquire the skill and ease for beautiful interactions. Just remember, the ultimate goal is to resolve the issue and restore the relationship.

Michael Young is an experienced life coach and writer who has coached people to success in their business and relationships. Do you want to see how Michael can help you bring your dreams to life? Click here Christian Life Coaching Life Coaching - Complimentary Session Click here Life Coaching Session

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Relationship Clarity - Three Traits of a Conscious Relationship

Relationship Clarity - Three Traits of a Conscious Relationship

By Leif Davis

You know what really drives me crazy, its when people talk on cell phones when they are driving. You can bet they are talking about, or dealing with some relationship issue. You know the guy who is swerving all over the road with the cell up to his ear, the other hand holding a cigarette, "Honey I, honey I, honey I, I, I, I. Just the other day, I was driving along, talking on my cell-- what? I didn't say I didn't do it, I just said it drives me crazy when other people do it!

A majority of our lives is spent in relationship with other people. Its sometimes surprising to see how many people are walking around (or driving) in what I call the relationship daze.. Particularly, when it comes to romance or being in a committed relationship, we are so often clueless. To become conscious in your relationships is to come out of the fog. I want to share three of the basic qualities of a conscious relationship. The three traits of a conscious relationship are, know your vision, be a good communicator, and be 100% responsible.

First and foremost, being conscious in relationship is to know who you are and what you want. This means being clear about life purpose, your requirements, needs, and wants. Most people think they know this, but so often, we are only looking at the tip of the iceberg, where 90% of the substance is below the surface. From my experience, a good percentage of the problems in committed relationships are because of unstated or unrealized expectations. These are often the residents of our nighttime dreams, the fantasies about the perfect relationship. Taking the relationship out of the fantasy world and making your vision clear and explicit is vital. If you go into a relationship with a huge piece of the iceberg still under the surface, there is bound to be trouble.

The second trait of a conscious relationship is being able to communicate competently- especially when feeling overwhelmed by emotion. And believe me, if there is ever a time when emotion can overwhelm, it in a romantic relationship! Many of us are at times emotionally over reactive.

There are two types of over reactive people according to Harvile Hendrix. In his book, Getting the Love You Want, he calls them minimizers and maximizers. Minimizers stonewall others when they are upset- they under reacting, withhold, or shut down. For minimizers, iIts important to get more understanding of how you are feeling and be effective at communicating to your partner about those feelings.

On the other hand, maximizers tend to overreact when having strong emotions. They make mountains out of molehills often saying things that are hurtful. Maximizers often have the mistaken notion that being close to someone makes it ok to tell everything that you feel at any given moment without any filter- in whatever way it comes out. In reality, you need to be thoughtful, careful, and considerate in how you communicate to your significant other. Learning to manage your emotions, becoming more emotionally intelligent is vital for a good relationship.

Lastly learn to take total responsibility for your relationship. I used to think relationships were 50/50 but have come to realize they are really 100/100 And if two people take 100% responsibility, then that's 200% responsibility. Being responsible means asking for what you need and want and accepting it when you cant have it- in other words accept the other person as they are. On the other hand you must also be willing to end it (or not start it if you are pre committed) if your requirements are not met. It's important to have clarified beforehand, what your requirements are. (Requirements are deal breakers, those things that if not present will cause a breakup).

I have just briefly touched on several of the qualities of a conscious relationship. Being conscious and clear is protection against many of the problems that plague troubled relationships. Look for more of the qualities of being conscious and in love in future articles.

Dr Davis is a relationship coach and psychologist in Orlando Florida. He is an author and speaker and is dedicated to helping people finding love in a sometimes-confusing world. He offers teleseminars, weekend courses, eprograms, and audio programs on conscious dating and for committed couples seeking to deepen their connection and forge strong and lasting relationships. You can find him at: http://www.psychologicalgrowth.com