Top 10 Tips Designed For Relationship Bliss

Top 10 Tips Designed For Relationship Bliss
By Jeff Lim

First of all, let me start off my saying that if you are under 18, get a life first! What I mean is to focus on school and strive to go to college. Take that degree and cash it into a good paying job. After that, you will be ready to settle down. The odds are against you if you marry at a young age. The divorce rate is over 80% for couples married between ages 18 and 22.

Relationships are complicated and will ruin your life before then. Don't fool yourself into thinking that your 15 year old girlfriend will last until you are 24, the age when you are finally able to get married. Guess what? Things can change in 9 years time. You can't expect people to stay the same. Also, the years between 18 and 24 are the peak times for us to find out more about ourselves.

Ok, so on with the show. Here are my top 10 tips for couples looking to remain on cloud 9.

Number 1: You have to be friends before you can be lovers. Ever heard of that expression? Being friends before lovers is a major factor in relationships. This will allow you to get to know the real person that you are dealing with, not the fake that is trying to impress you on a date. You get to cut out all the dating drama just by being able to laugh at and with each other.

Number 2: NO ONE is perfect and EVERYONE has their flaws. Some people are too tall, some people have a big nose and some people have crooked teeth. However, we have just scratched the surface. Those physical flaws pale in comparison to the personality flaws. Can you stand him leaving the toilet seat up, her being a neat freak, him not taking the trash out daily, or her talking non-stop all day? You better be able to live with that person first before you start babbling "We're so in love, we're a match made in heaven". If you can find the flaws and live with them, then you have a decent chance of making relationship that work.

Number 3: Your partner doesn't have to be filthy rich when you meet. Not many of us were lucky to be born rich like Paris Hilton. Here's what I believe about the finance part of the relationship. If your partner is in their 30's then yes, they better have money and be living in their own place (except if they are waiting for home prices to drop in California).

However, if you are in your early 20's then money shouldn't be an issue. What you should be looking for is potential. Your partner should have goals, good morals and ambition. Some great signs are: If they want to start a business, they are aiming for another degree and a higher paying job, or they are driving on the last legs of their beat up car to save money.

Number 4: Improve your communication with each other. This is another big part in making relationships work. Communication means TALKING, not using human antennas or ESP mind reading tricks. Let me give you an example of how important it is. Let's say your guy has done something stupid, you get angry, and 10 minutes later he doesn't why you're upset. Then being a typical woman, you don't want to tell him because you want him to use his psychic skills to figure out what's the matter with you.

You could cut out all of this unnecessary tension on your relationship if you would just open up your mouth and talk. God gave you and everyone else a mouth so use it. Stop dropping hints and start acting like real adults. Game playing should be left on the playground for children. The only way a relationship will survive is if you communicate.

Number 5: Another big factor in relationships is compromise. This is one of the hardest parts of a relationship because either no one wants to give up their side or one person in the relationship is constantly giving up their side that it starts to wear them down. The last time I checked, compromising was a two way street.

You have to be willing to compromise and yet, you can't be the one making all the compromises either. If you keep making all the compromises and it is seemingly one-sided, then just say goodbye to the relationship. Don't think that when you two get married things will change. The odds are that they won't. Better work out all the compromises before tying the knot.

Number 6: Give each other breathing room and space. Hanging out with each other 24/7 will only bring about the Law of Diminishing Returns. For the girls, this means letting him hang out with his guy buddies for a few nights a week. For the guys, this means letting her hang out with her lady friends to go shopping. We all need breaks from each other. Hell, I yearn for breaks from my grandma sometimes.

There is nothing wrong with getting out of the house once in awhile and giving you time to miss each other. At the same instance, it is important to set aside time for just the two of you to enjoy being with each other. It's good to be comfortable with and without each other.

Number 7: On to the physical part of the relationship. There are two things that I want to say about it. First, I admit, it is important in a relationship because without it, a marriage will just wilt away without the passion. I personally believe that you should wait until you are married. But of course my opinion means nothing in this world.

I have heard sex being compared to test driving cars before settling on one to purchase. However, we all know that even after test driving a car there are more features that we have to take into consideration. Same goes with a relationship because there is more to it than just sex.

The other part I want to say about sex is that you better make sure that you don't become passionate with someone before getting to know them emotionally. There needs to be an emotional bond that exists first that will make sex take your relationship to another level. Getting physical before getting to know someone can be a very dangerous situation that you put yourself in emotionally, physically and mentally.

Number 8: You have a choice as to which partner you would like to take a chance with. I believe that you can love more than one person and that there isn't just the "ONE" person for everyone. Yes, we all hope and pray to end up with the first one, but how many of us really are lucky to end up with our firsts?

You could try to make love work with a number of people. I think that there are about 5 to 10 people on this earth that you could do that with. We've been given free will and it is up to us to choose who we want to make love work with.

This is why when a widowed lady loses her spouse, she can get remarried and still love her second husband just like the first one. Only this time, the love is a bit different. Another example is if things don't work out in your current relationship, you are always entitled to a choice to love someone else, although it will never be the same as the last one.

Number 9: Show some respect to your partner. There are many times in relationships where I see couples criticize the other person's flaws in front of other people. It is important to realize that your partner deserves just as much respect as you do. You should be able to talk about decisions and respect each other. However, if you truly don't agree with something, then speak out about it. Don't become degrading and start insulting your partner because this is going to end up destroying your relationship.

Number 10: I don't believe that there is such a thing as relationship bliss. All relationships are is hard work and sacrifice. There are always unexpected events that happen in every relationship. The great thing about them is that they are tests necessary to help understand each other better. If you can make it through the tough times and learn to laugh and support each other, then you will have built a strong relationship.

Jeff is passionate about personal development topics and helping others find their true calling. More articles can be found at http://handylifeadvice.com

Relationship Clarity - Three Traits of a Conscious Relationship

Relationship Clarity - Three Traits of a Conscious Relationship

By Leif Davis

You know what really drives me crazy, its when people talk on cell phones when they are driving. You can bet they are talking about, or dealing with some relationship issue. You know the guy who is swerving all over the road with the cell up to his ear, the other hand holding a cigarette, "Honey I, honey I, honey I, I, I, I. Just the other day, I was driving along, talking on my cell-- what? I didn't say I didn't do it, I just said it drives me crazy when other people do it!

A majority of our lives is spent in relationship with other people. Its sometimes surprising to see how many people are walking around (or driving) in what I call the relationship daze.. Particularly, when it comes to romance or being in a committed relationship, we are so often clueless. To become conscious in your relationships is to come out of the fog. I want to share three of the basic qualities of a conscious relationship. The three traits of a conscious relationship are, know your vision, be a good communicator, and be 100% responsible.

First and foremost, being conscious in relationship is to know who you are and what you want. This means being clear about life purpose, your requirements, needs, and wants. Most people think they know this, but so often, we are only looking at the tip of the iceberg, where 90% of the substance is below the surface. From my experience, a good percentage of the problems in committed relationships are because of unstated or unrealized expectations. These are often the residents of our nighttime dreams, the fantasies about the perfect relationship. Taking the relationship out of the fantasy world and making your vision clear and explicit is vital. If you go into a relationship with a huge piece of the iceberg still under the surface, there is bound to be trouble.

The second trait of a conscious relationship is being able to communicate competently- especially when feeling overwhelmed by emotion. And believe me, if there is ever a time when emotion can overwhelm, it in a romantic relationship! Many of us are at times emotionally over reactive.

There are two types of over reactive people according to Harvile Hendrix. In his book, Getting the Love You Want, he calls them minimizers and maximizers. Minimizers stonewall others when they are upset- they under reacting, withhold, or shut down. For minimizers, iIts important to get more understanding of how you are feeling and be effective at communicating to your partner about those feelings.

On the other hand, maximizers tend to overreact when having strong emotions. They make mountains out of molehills often saying things that are hurtful. Maximizers often have the mistaken notion that being close to someone makes it ok to tell everything that you feel at any given moment without any filter- in whatever way it comes out. In reality, you need to be thoughtful, careful, and considerate in how you communicate to your significant other. Learning to manage your emotions, becoming more emotionally intelligent is vital for a good relationship.

Lastly learn to take total responsibility for your relationship. I used to think relationships were 50/50 but have come to realize they are really 100/100 And if two people take 100% responsibility, then that's 200% responsibility. Being responsible means asking for what you need and want and accepting it when you cant have it- in other words accept the other person as they are. On the other hand you must also be willing to end it (or not start it if you are pre committed) if your requirements are not met. It's important to have clarified beforehand, what your requirements are. (Requirements are deal breakers, those things that if not present will cause a breakup).

I have just briefly touched on several of the qualities of a conscious relationship. Being conscious and clear is protection against many of the problems that plague troubled relationships. Look for more of the qualities of being conscious and in love in future articles.

Dr Davis is a relationship coach and psychologist in Orlando Florida. He is an author and speaker and is dedicated to helping people finding love in a sometimes-confusing world. He offers teleseminars, weekend courses, eprograms, and audio programs on conscious dating and for committed couples seeking to deepen their connection and forge strong and lasting relationships. You can find him at: http://www.psychologicalgrowth.com