Life Coaching - 7 Secrets to Handle a Tough Conversation
By Michael Young
Is there someone you need to have a conversation with and have been dreading? Possibly, you have tried and it went badly. Or perhaps you are afraid that talking with them is going to make things worse. Regardless of the reason, you feel the stress. One of the most common barriers to authentic conversation is that people don not know how to begin. A life coach can help you make your relationships flourish even during tough conversations.
You will have to speak truth in a way that is respectful, even if you believe the other person does not deserve it. When you want to talk and the other person does not, it may be tempting to cajole or demand. What do you do if you want to have a difficult conversation about an important workplace matter but the other person does not. If you are more cheerful and optimistic than the person you are talking to or if you are at a different level of responsibility or authority than they are this can make communication more difficult. You should give the other person respect and listen to their side. Try to keep this in mind when your in a difficult conversation, the results I want is to solve whatever problem is between me and the other person.
As a leader it is important to develop people who want to share and help carry out the goals of the organization. However, some people like tough conversations and some people avoid confronting a problem because they are uncomfortable with confrontation. They think it is more work than it is worth, or worry that they will bruise the relationship in the process.
Here are four simple things NOT to do:
- Do not let to much time go by before entering into the conversation.
- Do not have a preconceived idea, try to learn as much as possible about the other's point of view.
- Do not interrupt, but simply acknowledge what they say.
- Do not keep them guessing about you are desire to make things right.
1. People are not able listen and understand what another is saying while planning their answer or trying to interrupt. That conversation that is running in your head prevents you from truly hearing and understanding. You may be surprised by what you learn when you seek first to understand. The 19th century English statesman Sir John Lubbock said, "What we see depends mainly on what we look for."
2. Regardless of the issue you should bring it up in private. When you have disagreements in public those around you feel out-of-place and uncomfortable. A problem is not resolved until you both think it is. After you have had a tough conversation, you both are likely to have questions and unresolved issues. Leave the door open for another conversation. Do not be offended if the person your talking with is not pleasant to deal with at the moment. Stress will make you do things you normally would not. The circumstances are causing the problem, not you.
3. Be sure of what you want to say and do not wait long before bringing it up. Letting the issue fester will not make it go away but will make it worse. Resentment comes when a problem arises and they feel like nothing is being done about it. You can keep small problems from becoming big problems by addressing them quickly.
4. While there may be many issues discuss only one at a time and deal only in the facts, not speculation or opinion. Dealing with too many issues at once is overwhelming and make it difficult to come to a resolution. Speak clearly and simply. People rightly see double-talk as an attempt to cloud the issues and avoid responsibility.
5. Keep your tone and volume at a respectable level and do not be accusatory. Yelling and an accusatory tone can be intimidating. Your reaction will be seen as aggressive and impede progress to a point where you both lose. An aggressive person will cause those more timid to retreat and say nothing or worse, say anything to keep the peace. Two aggressive personalities can intensify it to a level of physical response.
6. Allow the other person to state their feelings or opinion. If you hear something that you do not like, ask them to repeat it and try to understand without getting defensive. Often we assume we know the whole story and strive to be right instead of listening to understand.
7. Look at the issue from the other person's point-of-view. Do not assume you know what the other person is thinking. Do not bring up things the person cannot change or has no control over. Treat the person with respect and try to come to a solution that will satisfy both of you. Take responsibility. Do what it takes to make it right, follow up at your end.
Of course, the best way to handle difficult times with others is to avoid them in the first place. But that is not always possible. Practicing these simple tips, you can get through tough conversations in your relationships. The art of conversation is like any art by making these tips good habits you acquire the skill and ease for beautiful interactions. Just remember, the ultimate goal is to resolve the issue and restore the relationship.
Michael Young is an experienced life coach and writer who has coached people to success in their business and relationships. Do you want to see how Michael can help you bring your dreams to life? Click here Christian Life Coaching Life Coaching - Complimentary Session Click here Life Coaching Session
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